The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the fuzzy language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also
applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.
"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"...I didn’t look up the original reference.
"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"...These data are practically meaningless.
"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"...The other results didn’t make any sense.
"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"...This is the prettiest graph.
"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"...I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"IN MY EXPERIENCE"...Once.
"IN CASE AFTER CASE"...Twice.
"IN A SERIES OF CASES"...Thrice.
"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"...I think.
"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"...A couple of others think so, too.
"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE" ...Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
"ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"...Rumor has it.
"A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS"...A really wild guess.
"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"...Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer glass.
"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"...I don’t understand it....and I never will.
"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"...They don’t understand it either.
"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"...A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"...I am pleased to feed you bullshit.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in aday are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front ofhim. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large andempty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He thenasked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into thejar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areasbetween the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar wasfull. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Ofcourse, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jarwas full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table andpoured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the emptyspace between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognizethat this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the importantthings---God, your family, your children, your health, your friends and yourfavorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained,your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house andyour car.
The sand is ever ything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand intothe jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golfballs. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on thesmall stuff you will never have room for thethings that are important to you.
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play withyour children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Taketime to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another18. There will always be t ime to clean the house and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set yourpriorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what thecoffee represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked." Thecoffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there'salways room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front ofhim. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large andempty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He thenasked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into thejar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areasbetween the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar wasfull. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Ofcourse, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jarwas full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table andpoured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the emptyspace between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognizethat this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the importantthings---God, your family, your children, your health, your friends and yourfavorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained,your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house andyour car.
The sand is ever ything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand intothe jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golfballs. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on thesmall stuff you will never have room for thethings that are important to you.
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play withyour children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Taketime to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another18. There will always be t ime to clean the house and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set yourpriorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what thecoffee represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked." Thecoffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there'salways room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
Friday, February 22, 2008
The Farmer and The Cow
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole.
I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too.
As soon as I finished milkin'' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.
As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!
I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too.
As soon as I finished milkin'' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.
As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)