The Farmer and The Cow

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole.
I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too.
As soon as I finished milkin'' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.
As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!

Poor Old Man

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by and asks him why he's crying. The old man says, "I'm retired and I have lots of money, a huge luxury apartment, a beautiful 25 year old wife who loves me and has sex with me twice a day" The young man says, "Well then why the hell are you crying!?"
The old man replies, "I can't remember where I live!"

Pleasure

A woman collapsed, fell and hit her head in a crowded supermarket in Swansea, Wales, when her vibrating panties made her faint with pleasure.
The kinky 33-year-old housewife was wearing a pair of battery-operated Passion Pants, bought from a sex shop, while she did her shopping, according to the British tabloid The Sun.
But she got so stimulated by the 6cm vibrating bullet in the panties that she lost consciousness. When paramedics arrived, they found her black imitation leather knikcers still buzzing.
They took them off her before an ambulance took her to the hospital. The woman, who’s identity has been kept private, suffered no long-lasting ill effects. As she left the hospital a paramedic gave her back the Passion Pants in a plastic bag.
A spokesman for the Asda supermarket chain commented to the Sun: "We like to think shopping with us was pleasure enough already."