T-Shirt Slogans

*Hey ya'll. this contains a couple of hilarious and down-right f***ed up T-Shirt slogans that i collected from tshirthell.com. hope you enjoy the lot. read on people.*
*I'M NOT WEARING PANTIES* I would be turned on by this, but any time I hear about a Muslim going commando I just run as a reflex action.
* HOW DARE I WEAR THIS GODDAMN SHIRT IN FRONT OF YOUR FUCKING KIDS?! *Most people think children are the future, but I think they're the present. Which is why I'm not allowed within 100 ft. of a school.
*I RAPE BACK* Is that supposed to be a threat? You might as well tell guys you have no gag reflex and you hate shopping.
*DOMINA-TRIX *Call now to take advantage of our 2 for 1 offer. And remember: the safe word is 'deep-dish'.
*I (HEART) TRANSITIVE PICTOGRAPH VERBALIZATIONS* In addition to that, I also (beet) my wife, (bone) my secretary, (club) retards and (whatever represents neglect) my kids.
*XENU IS MY HOMEBOY* Once a nigga scrapes off your body thetans, that nigga's down fo' life.
*I SUPPORT SINGLE MOMS* It's time to sit down and declare your support for single moms. Won't you lend a lap?
*I'M THE ONE YOU GOTTA BLOW TO GET A DRINK AROUND HERE *You know what? I'm a pretty generous person. I'll go ahead and get you two drinks. Three if you promise not to call.
*WHITE FLOUR! *Nuthin' says lovin' like being shoved in an oven!" He got poked in the stomach one too many times, which is exactly how Hitler got started.
*HOPELESS ROMANTIC SEEKS FILTHY WHORE *And if the hopeless romantic's search is successful, he will soon after begin his search for ointments, antibiotics and a rare shampoo that comes with a very little comb.
*IF I HAD BALLS THEY WOULD BE BIGGER THAN YOURS *At first glance this appears to be a "girls only" shirt, but don't forget about the Eunuchs (like God did).
*2 DRINKS AWAY FROM GIRL ON GIRL ACTION *2 drinks or, if you don't want to wait for those to kick in, just flash a c-note. Just as good.
*ALSO AVAILABLE IN SOBER!! *My 12 step program has an escalator, and a wet bar.
*WHO NEEDS BIG TITS? WHEN YOU HAVE AN ASS LIKE THIS *I couldn't poop for two days because my ass was swollen shut. I never saw you, but you violated me, you bastard jellyfish.
*SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THESE* Who am I to disagree? Traveled the world and the seven seas, everybody's looking for some titties.
* 999 - EVIL WHEN I DO HANDSTANDS *That's why I do handstands at funerals. Otherwise my erection just doesn't seem justified.
*I BET YOU'LL VOTE NEXT TIME HIPPIE *Did you vote with the majority...and stay home? Nice going.
*YOU CAN'T HAVE MANSLAUGHTER WITHOUT LAUGHTER *Laughter is the best medicine. That is, next to any sort of actual medicine.
*BAAAAAA MEANS NOOOOO! *You always hurt the one ewe that you love, unless you use ewes that use lube.
*I'M NOT A FULL-BLOODED JEW I'M JEWish *I got sent to a concentration camp, but it was minimum security.
*THIS SHIRT IS ONLY BLUE WHEN I'M THINKING ABOUT DWARVES *If a dwarf buys this shirt, I'm sorry to say that this shirt will simply burst into flame immediately after you put it on. I'm kidding. We don't sell to dwarves.
*GO LOCAL SPORTS TEAM AND/OR COLLEGE! *Show your support for your favorite overpaid athlete and/or subpar student!
*ABRACADABRA!... FUCK, YOU'RE STILL UGLY *Well, that didn't work. I guess I'll have to saw you in half. Who said anything about a trick?
*EASY like Sunday morning* Are you easy? Easy like Sunday Morning? Or just plain easy? It's ok.
*HUNG HORSE *We used to have a similar shirt that had an Asian guy in place of a horse, but that one didn't sell for more than one reason.
*IF THIS IS ON YOUR FLOOR TOMORROW... WE TOTALLY FUCKED* (now go make me some breakfast, bitch) Make fucking an important part of your balanced breakfast. Stick milk, juice, toast, cereal, and a grapefruit up your ass.

*STOP CLUBBING BABY SEALS *They never buy a round, they dance too close, and their breath smells of herring.
* COULD YOU COME BACK IN A FEW BEERS? *What you might call skunked beer due to lack of knowledge could be a tasty German-style Pilsner to another. Or it could be piss.

*CEREAL RAPIST *In spite of all of their tears; all of his victims managed to stay crispy. I guess that's why we love them.
*I'M WHAT WILLIS WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT* The shirt NBC's Scrubs featured on their 3/30/04 episode and the one we've been selling since 2002.
*SO, I WALK INTO A BAR... *Joke - a rabbi, a priest and a naked Asian guy. Reality - Middle-aged businessmen and despair.
* SORRY FOR BEING SO FUCKING SEXY *There's no need to apologize; just don't let it happen again. This is the last warning you'll get.

*I TAUGHT YOUR GIRLFRIEND THAT THING YOU LIKE *In return, she taught me the Lambada; even though it is... forbidden.
* I TAUGHT YOUR BOYFRIEND THAT THING YOU LIKE* In return, he taught me long division.

*TALK NERDY TO ME *How should I manage my hacker? The same way you herd cats. It can be a bit confusing; they're not like most other workers.
*SUPPORT THE FINE ARTS SHOOT A RAPPER *I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop the rock it to the bang bang bang! bang...

*I'M NOT BLACK, I'M BIG BONED *Whether you are white and have a big dick or you are black and have a dry sense of humor. Either way, you're hilarious.
*TOM IS MY ONLY FRIEND *The rest of my top 8 is a mixture of alcohol, anti-depressants and internet porn.

*THIS SHIRT IS ONLY BLACK WHEN AN ASSHOLE IS LOOKING AT IT *And this sentence only shows up when an asshole is reading it. And this sentence. And this sentence. And this...okay, you get it asshole.
*PREGUNTAME LO QUE DICE ESTA PLAYERA *(Ask me what this shirt says) A latino submitted this shirt idea and we only had to pay him 25% of what we usually pay the winners.

*SORRY GIRLS, THE DRUMMER IS GAY *They do love to pound that bass. Especially if you remove the b. Get it? Take the b off of bass and it becomes ass. Meaning they love to pound ass.
*SORRY GIRLS, THE LEAD SINGER IS GAY *Who the fuck wants to wait for groupies when your fellow band members are already backstage? And you already know they suck.

*TO: WOMEN - FROM: GOD *You know that you're God's gift to women. Now you have the shirt to prove it.
*FUCK THE COLORBLIND *Roses are red, violets are blue: that's true for me, but not for you! Just one more way to taunt the visually challenged.

*I SHOULD BE IN THE KITCHEN *Stirring up an instant cake mix? It's the perfect time to practice fractions. You can also count the pieces of chopped glass you put into the beef stew.
*STOP MIDGET ON MIDGET CRIME *There are no small crimes, only small criminals.

I* WILL NOT REMEMBER ANY OF THIS *Individuals can engage in a wide range of goal-directed, voluntary, often complicated behaviors during blackouts -- from salsa dancing, to having sex with giraffes.
*DIAMONDS ARE A GIRLS BEST FRIEND... BUT MY DICK IS A REALLY CLOSE SECOND *Tired of coming in second? Get a Prince Albert that contains a 2 karat diamond.

*INTERNATIONAL AGE OF CONSENT TOUR *This shirt is a handy guide to who's legal and who's not. It's helpful when you're spreading international relations, and VD.
*I LIKE MY WOMEN LIKE I LIKE MY TRACTORS I CAN'T GET ANY MORE SPECIFIC THAN THAT - PLEASE DON'T ASK ME TO EXPLAIN* And exactly how I like my ceiling fans. The fellas know what I'm talking about. They don't? Well I'm not gonna get into it here.

*I TAKE THE "THE" OUT OF PSYCHOTHERAPIST *A shirt made specifically for all the psycho rapists out there. Which excludes me, because I'm a level-headed, rational rapist.
*REMINDER: BUY MORE BEER (MIRROR WRITING) *This is not just a shirt: it's also a handy reminder, every time you look in the mirror, of your number 1 priority for the day.

*I'M NOT FAT. I'M PREGNANT WITH ICE CREAM'S BABY *You're retaining fudge, double chocolate, butter pecan, caramel ripple and rocky road. That doesn't make your pregnancy any less valid.
*YOUR SISTER IS HOT BUT YOUR MOM DOES THAT THING WITH HER TONGUE *Cooked tongue is lean, meaty, and quite versatile; it works well in sandwiches, tacos, assholes, and casseroles.

*I'M JUST IN IT FOR THE PARKING *But let's be honest, those giant bathroom stalls are pretty sweet, too. I wonder how come they don't have giant urinals?
I* (HEART) JESUS AND FRENCH FRIES *I'm caught in a love triangle. They're both special in their own way, but until Jesus comes with a drive-thru window I'm gonna have to go with the fries. Besides, you can't biggie-size Jesus's love.

*I STOLE THIS SHIRT FROM A HOMELESS GUY- WHY HE HAD A SHIRT THAT SAYS THIS, I'LL NEVER KNOW* Some say homeless people are looking for handouts. Some say they want jobs. That's why I say let's just give them all handjobs!
*I PUT THE "SEXY" IN DYSLEXIA *Tihs oen gsoe uot ot lal hte sexy dyslexics. Fianlyl a sthirt amde ujst orf uyo.

*IF YOU'RE ALREADY THIS CLOSE WHY DON'T YOU JUST SUCK MY DICK? *A great gag shirt. Because they can gag after they read it.
*THE FUNNIEST THING ABOUT THIS SHIRT IS THAT BY THE TIME YOU REALIZE IT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOU TO STOP READING IT YOU DUMB FUCK*

*SHITTLES (taste the asshole) *I am sad to report that on November 18, 2001, my beloved Shittles died from bloat. She will be dearly missed.
*FUCK CHUCK *Chuck Mania is sweeping the nation. Fuck the nation.

*I'LL BE USING THESE TO MY ADVANTAGE *The Maidenform company was founded in 1922, starting the convention of naming cup sizes A through D.
*I JUST KILLED A CLOWN *Remember that a good clown entertains others by making fun of himself, and not at the expense or embarrassment of others. If he doesn't follow this simple rule: kill him.
*MEDIUM PIMPIN' *Fo' real it don't get no mo' medium man. Don't trip, let's flip, gettin throwed on the flip. Gettin blowed with the motherfuckin Jigga Man, fool.
*I'M HUGE IN JAPAN* And China...and Korea..and Thailand and... You'll have to ask Bill Murray what the Japanese letters mean (hint hint: big dick).

*GO FUCK YOURSELF. I'M AN ASSHOLE AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE* Paid for by the commitee to elect fewer cumstains, and more assholes.
*YOU'LL REGRET READING THIS SHIRT WHEN THE SKETCH ARTIST ASKS YOU TO DESCRIBE MY FACE* Being an artist is first and foremost about feeling free to create. Creating something that others have not expressed before or have expressed in a different way.

*I ONLY SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE IF BOTH CHICKS ARE HOT *There's nothing hotter than two chicks making out, unless it's two chicks making out while they're on fire.
*I'D RATHER BE FIGHTING THE MAN *Elvis was a hero to most. But he never meant shit to me, you see.

*1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d* And cybering doesn't count. And you can stop saving yourself for Lara Croft.
*THERE ARE 2 PEOPLE FUCKING ON THE BACK OF THIS SHIRT... JUST KIDDING, BELIEVE IN JESUS!* So why do I believe in Jesus? Because he's real. That night in the library, when I hit the bottom, Buddha wasn't there for me.
*YES, I HAVE PLENTY OF CHANGE YOU HOMELESS PIECE OF SHIT. THANKS FOR ASKING. *I would help the homeless if I just knew where they lived.
*THE REAL SHOCKER* This shirt could actually have 2 meanings. Fisting, obviously, but there's also the 'violence against women angle.' Either way, it's hilarious

*WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? (for a KLONDIKE bar?)* My 15 year old Christian daughter is very angry with God. She needs prayer for all her anger against God. Please pray for her & send ice cream.
*I BRING NOTHING TO THE TABLE *For those of you who think inside the box.
*THIS ORGY SURE IS OFF TO A SLOW START* Proper orgy etiquette is to start with the person on your left, and then continue in a clockwise rotation. And always, ladies first!
* I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? *No more owchies from getting a hair stuck to a pantyliner. *blush* No more stray curly hairs peeking out from revealing clothing or bathing suits.

*IT'S NOT PMS, IT'S YOU *Many women with PMS find it hard to do things that require concentration, such as balancing a checkbook, following recipes, or making business decisions.
*ASTHMA IS SEXY! *Buy this, and breathe a little easier.
*HE LOVES THE COCK* When your cock knows that you love and respect him, he will want to be with you. He'll sit on the porch in the evening and preen himself, sure signs that he feels at home.
*SOLDIERS NEED HUMMERS PLEASE HELP SUPPORT THE CAUSE*! I know you're willing to lend a hand, but what these boys could really use is a nice warm, wet...protective vehicle.

*IN CASE OF FIRE LOOK ON BACK- I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE DUMBASS *The shirt, the shirt, the shirt is on fire! I don't need no water let the mother fucker burn. OK, a little water would be nice.
*I'M PART OF THE PROBLEM *When people tell you that you're part of the problem, they're generally being polite. Knowing you, you're the whole problem.

*YOU MUST BE THIS LONG TO RIDE *Obey the posted rules and oral instructions: Do not interfere with safety devices. . Do not swing or bounce unless instructed. (space between fingers is approx 8")
*THERE'S A PICTURE OF THE PROPHET MUHAMMAD ON THE BACK OF MY SHIRT... JUST KIDDING, PRAISE ALLAH! (PLEASE DON'T KILL ME)*

*(Front) THERE'S A FUCKIN' ASSHOLE LOOKING AT ME (Back) ...STILL LOOKING AT ME *Fuck 'em. Best of all it doesn't matter whether you're coming or going.
*SWALLOWS *Takeru Kobayashi holds the world record for hot dog consumption at 50 and 1/2 dogs in 12 minutes. He also enjoys fisting, and long walks on the beach.

*I MAY HAVE ALZHEIMER'S BUT AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE ALZHEIMER'S* This shirt is for everyone who... who are you people? How did you get on this site?
*OB/GYN KENOBI *Use the Force Luke... no wait, I meant the forceps... now the Force... and now back to the forceps. Good. Go wash up.

*EAST COAST LAWNMOWERS *Charles Henry Pugh was born in 1840 in Newtown Montgomery. Unfortunately he never lived long enough to see his first lawnmower.
*ONCE YOU GO ASIAN... YOU NEVER GO CAUCASIAN *He is a compelling and exotic little man in his charcoal Mao suit, white socks and enigmatic smile.
* I'M UGLY ON THE INSIDE TOO* When you're feeling down about what you see in the mirror, don't grab for that gray coat. Put on a bright color to kick you back into gear. For example, try red, the most energetic color in the spectrum.
*IV:XX *When in Rome, smoke pot when the Romans do.
*PLEASE TURN ME OVER SO I DON'T CHOKE ON MY OWN VOMIT / THANK YOU* Perform a tongue-jaw lift and remove foreign body ONLY IF VISUALIZED.
*IN THE MOUTH? IN THE ASS? IN THE VAGINA? BETWEEN THE TITS? I SUPPORT A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE *It's all about freedom.

*BAD SAMARITAN *Reach out to fellow human beings and invite them into a friendly and empowering relationship of care - or just poke them.
*RESTRAINING ORDERS ARE JUST ANOTHER WAY of saying I love you *Don't wear this within 100 yards of another t-shirt.
*I'M CUTE? NO SHIT.* Tired of hearing the same cliche shit when flaunting your delicious goodies down the street? Don't even talk back, just wear the shirt.
* IF I CAN BUILD A COMPUTER I CAN MAKE YOU CUM *If you can screw in a light bulb and turn a screwdriver you can easily build your own pc. Personally, I prefer to screw in hot tubs.

*I'M HERE TO KILL YOU - NEXT TIME KEEP THAT CHAIN LETTER GOING* Send 10 of these shirts to 10 people and tell them to do the same. Soon you'll be rich. Ok, I'll be rich.